Over correcting a child - the damage it can do

I am a mother.  I will always remember the day my sisters and I sat, watching back home videos of my first child.  At the time, my child was about 4 years old. In the video, he was about 2 years....  

I was shocked to listen to myself.  All I seemed to do was tell my boy what he could NOT do:  "Don't touch that or____ may happen.", "Watch out for ___.", or, "Pick up that toy, put it over there..."  It was as if I was leading my child because he could not possibly SEE, LEARN or THINK for himself!  My over correcting voice was loud and clear. I looked at my sisters, "Do I really sound like this?", I asked.  They gently nodded "yes".  It was time for me to make some changes.

Maria Montessori, physician and educator beautifully said, "Never help a child at a task which he feels he can succeed".   http://www.dailymontessori.com/montessori-theory/

I've changed my definition of "succeed"  to allow for : error, spills, mishaps and so forth because that is where the true learning takes place.  It doesn't take place when I TELL them what they need to learn.  It takes place when they have to clean up, or deal with the broken toy, feel the scrape on their skinned knee.  We have to be willing to allow the child to explore, get dirty, feel disappointment and even pain to learn -- just like we had to, when we were kids.

In my job today, I work with preschoolers and their adults, in a parent participation program.  From time to time I overhear the same kinds of corrections:  "Don't get paint there, " or  "Look where you are walking..." and so on. I twinge a little and wonder, "Should I share?" Should I mention what I've learned?  That while my intention was to give my child guidance and support, I was indirectly sending a damaging message: "Be fearful!",  "Stay on alert!" Or worse: "Don't trust yourself", "You don't know what you're doing." 

I'm far from the parent I want to be.  I STILL catch myself - both at work and home -- jumping in to advise or correct.  Yet, I do think it's worth putting this out there - if just to share with one other well-meaning adult:  Our children innately learn by doing, Their surroundings and experiences will teach them plenty.  Try to: Correct less and observe more.   Responding with, "What do you think will happen?"  may be a better choice than "Look out, if you touch that __ will happen!"

We have all been captivated and amazed by the capabilities of these little people. Their learning doesn't stop when they move from babyhood to toddlers, nor does it stop in elementary school and even up through high school.  My, now 15 year old, child continues to impress me as he discusses "land mines" he has navigated through at school.  Social interactions and physical dangers happen to him while he is away from me.  It feels only a moment ago he was 4 years old. I hope that he always finds his answers within him, to keep him safe and strengthen his self concept.  

Correcting children at every turn does not make them better prepared for life. But it can make them more hesitant and unsure of themselves.  Wouldn't you agree, parenting is more about letting go than holding tight?