Say What You Would LIKE To Happen

Recently some children were weeding in the garden area; activities included searching for worms, pulling weeds by hand, digging deep holes and shoveling the soil.

One of the children inadvertently sent dirt flying over other's heads. 
"Don't throw the dirt, please." a parent nearby, calmly said.  I had a memory jog:  When my child was about 3 years old, we were out somewhere,(leaving a doctor's office) and he began to move quickly away from me, down a sidewalk, towards a parking lot.  

Maybe you've had some version of the following happen with your child?  I called to him, "Don't run into the parking lot!", to which he immediately broke into a sprint and ran out, into the parking lot.   When I caught up to him I asked,  "What did you hear me say to you?" 
"I heard "RUN.", he said.

As you may have read or heard, child experts explain that it is better to say what you'd LIKE to have happen than to caution about what you don't want.  For example a teacher saying,  "Slow walking through the classroom." is more effective than "No running".   

Isn't it interesting that we often ask for what we DON'T want to happen, instead of for what we do?     

When a child is running in the preschool yard, with a stick in one in hand, (or swinging it about) I use, "Sticks go through the fence, or over the fence, how would you like to take care of that?"  At least with this instance, I've learned that if I say,  "We don't PLAY WITH STICKS", the children usually go on playing with sticks.  [Aside: I am an advocate for children being able to play with bits of nature - sticks can be used as tools and many fine games come from them.  It is only in a school yard, of 20 preschoolers, that I discourage the use of sticks for battles and such.  If you, the parent or teacher want to do so with your own children, so be it!]

Phrases used in the car: "Feet stay on the floor".  At home, " "Close the door quietly", "Shoes go in the shoe basket when you come inside" or,(to reduce whining in a child),  "I'll be happy to talk with you when your voice is quiet."   The people at www.LoveandLogic.com  have this type of positive language figured out.  As for me?  I'm still working on it!  It takes mental effort to convert my language to the affirmative.   

What about you?  Share - What phrases have you adopted that say what you would LIKE to happen?  Share with us; share with me! I'm always looking for a better way to get my point across.